Where To Now....................Onward.

What do you do when you lose something you cannot get back? And by losing this thing the construct of your future, your plans, your hopes, everything, had to be deviated and readdressed? And just to move on, decisions had to be made, either to press reset, digress or keep the course. And if you do press restart, how do you know its not a reactionary escape but a needed coping mechanism?
Will you find yourself trying to replace this thing, or accept that what was had is unrepeatable, unable to be recreated........simply put, irreplaceable? Will you find yourself thinking back at what more could have been done to save this thing, determining if its loss could have been your fault?
All combined I suppose there is no real answer to this question, its the reality of life, teaching us that everything we experience is a combination of our decisions and the decisions of others as they affect us. So rather than live retrospectively, attempting to produce meaning for something lost, realize that nothing is really ours to have or hold, merely experience, that the only true thing we can own is our decisions and direction.


















http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcKinnMXuKg

The Hands that Built Me: Dad

Dad

The older I have become, the more I realize how truly great of a man my father is. As a child, and even more so as a teenager, I was oblivious to the qualities that make one great. But as i grow older and analyze who I want to become, I reflect on my father's character and personality and see the most sterling example. I could write volumes on this subject, suffice to say I will only enumerate a few of the qualities I admire most. 

1) Relentless Integrity: My father is an honest man. He is a man of his word, who respects commitment and values truth. Never has he acted in a dishonest way or practiced shady business. 

2) Fun: My Dad is fun. Despite the burden of managing the farm, the insulation business and nine kids, my Dad was always making jokes and having fun. I remember times when I was upset with him or my mother, his assault to dissolve my anger was with humor. He would act so silly and fun, that I could not be mad, I had to laugh. 

3) Work Ethic: The Lord said "by the sweat of thy brow, you shall eat thy bread". Indeed that too was my fathers credo. I learned what hard work is from him, and in retrospect I can see the quality of hard work. My dad worked so hard to provide and produce. His labors were not lost upon me, I saw his example and strived to work and produce just like him. I owe much of my success to this particular example. 

4) Romantic: After over 40 years of marriage I know that my parents are still in love. I can see the twinkle in their eyes when they look at each other. I can see the concern, love and affection not only when they are together, but also when they are apart. Having this love for someone else is the purpose of life, I want this more than anything. 

These are just four qualities I admire in my dad, and I could go on and on with more, but like in all things, sometimes less is more. To put it simply, in my "quest of self", as I map who and what I want to be, I look to my Father, and say "if I could only be half that man". He is my Hero.

Joy in the Journey

I experience a lot of epiphanies, whether thats a good and normal thing or the sign of going crazy I'm not quite sure yet; however today I had one of my most profound ones.

I am 30 years old, soon to be 31, and I consider myself accomplished. Every goal I set out to accomplish, significant goals, I have done so. Now at the peak of my prime I enjoy a very comfortable life. I have a good job, I earn a good wage, I have a nice house, I drive a nice car and I have the resources to buy and acquire most things within my realm and scope. I have minimal stress and I am not burdened by many of the struggles that most everyday people experience. My largest struggle is trying to figure out what to do with all my excess time.

Now at this point of accomplishment I find myself extremely discontent, and I have felt this way for quite some time. Today I figured out why. The old saying: "The joy is in the journey".

As the French would say; I had arrived, and after having arrived I unpacked, got comfortable, got complacent, got lazy, lost ambition, lost drive, lost focus and ultimately STOPPED moving forward.

My joy, happiness and contentment came from having a dream, a goal and moving towards it, working, struggling and sacrificing for it. Its not to say I am un happy now, but it is to say that I lack to a great degree the same amount of joy and contentment I experienced as I trudged forward for these last ten years. I feel a void in my level of fulfillment.

So what is the anecdote? Get up, get packed and get moving again. I have enjoyed for a season the luxury of inactivity and idleness but its time to restart the engine of ambition and the heart of accomplishment. No time to wait for January and its forthcoming New Year Resolutions, I start today.

I will need to spend some time refitting my perspective and defining what next I choose to accomplish; this may prove more taxing than I give it credit, but it is necessary. A new chapter is starting in my life, a new journey, another adventure, and I am excited to see what the next ten years brings to this sporadic existence I call my life.